dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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