Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book