grinding to god bless the USA? really?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?