I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.