i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.