Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."