hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize