Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.