Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
