How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical