ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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