we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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