haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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