We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
