shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
