I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
