how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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