Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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