We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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