giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
