For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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