but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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