she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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