I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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