we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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