I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
