this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
