Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
