I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
