i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize