Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
