she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't deserve a penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
