I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
being pregnant is like rehab
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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