clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
