Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
