he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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