But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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