you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
