You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
