dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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