Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
