how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
