In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
