i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
