my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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