Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
