Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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