I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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