I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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