Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
