Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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