I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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