In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
