I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
