Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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