Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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