Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
