My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
