Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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