I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
