I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
