Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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