Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Operation Purity has been aborted
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
