I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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