i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
