So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
