Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
