Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
