Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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