my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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