I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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