I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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