My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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