I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
