I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
