ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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