Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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