I can tuck mytits in my pants
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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