and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
