My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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