remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
